Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Putting down the heaviest burden

I scheduled Maddy's final appointment for Friday.


She's started stumbling when she walks and has stopped eating, even drinking the milk from my cereal. She stays in the closet or in the bathroom, but last night she ambled into the bedroom and crawled up onto my side of the bed, curled up, and looked up as if to say, "Ready to go to bed wif you, Mama!"



She laid on the bed with me all night, alternating purring with twitching/jerking all of a sudden. Even this morning she got up and left for a couple of minutes, and then came right back. Hop, purr, snuggle.


It's so hard to look at this little face and know that she'll be gone soon, and I'm the one who has to do it. I alternate weeping heavily with calmly accepting this fact. It's hard sometimes when she's being sweet and curled up by me, but I know that it's not getting any better for her, only getting worse. I want to release her soul back to the Universe while she still has some dignity, not pooping herself in the closet and dragging around the house. Forgive me for a while as I shut off the laptop and enjoy these last days with my beautiful, wonderful furry friend.

12 comments:

ms. kitty said...

I'm so sad that the time has come, Pixie. I'll be thinking about you and Maddy on Friday, with love.

Miss Kitty said...

*snif snif*
[crai]
[pet fire-colored kitteh]
[hugz]

So, so sorry. No words to really express it. That purrty Squadeleine is my favorite niece (plz nawt 2 tell Lulu kthx).

Hugs & wuv to both you & Maddy, from me & all the HKC kittehs.

OHN said...

My heart is so heavy for you.

Scheduling and waiting is so hard, yet so needed sometimes.

I will be thinking about you.

BaxtersMum said...

(deleted for PG rating)

sending you all the love and hugs and support that the internets and psychic friends network can bear.

love to Maddie. Tell her to ask for Charlie and Fred when she sees them.

Anonymous said...

My hearts breaks. I'll be thinking of you (both) on what I know will be a very difficult day. Best wishes and peace.

Sarah said...

Our thoughts and prayers (and meows and barks) are with you too.

Leeann Ward said...

My heart goes out to you.

Leeann Ward said...

My heart truly goes out to you.

EllenS said...

"It's so hard to look at this little face and know that she'll be gone soon, and I'm the one who has to do it."

Helping her onto a peaceful path won't be as hard as you think. The part of you that knows in your head this is doing right by her will strengthen your heart.

Missing her will be worse than you can anticipate. Accept all the hugs and love you can and know she is with you in a different way now. And keep a look out for Hazel's reactions and reassure her.

Dame Eleanor Hull said...

I'll be thinking of you today. I'm so sorry. Peace to you.

Miss Kitty said...

[crai]
[[[[[hugz]]]]]

Plz nawt 2 puhgit: U & ur Squadeleine r wuvved vry vry much. >^..^<

Jen said...

Loves, hugs and prayers for you.