A (photo)sensitive subject

My sister Miss Kitty has posted kind of about this recently, so I talked to her and to some of my colleagues/peeps about it as well. By "this" I mean a feeling of slight malaise, not quite depression per se, but a little lowness that can only be sensed in the afternoons these days. It's this weird mix of feeling a little down, like something's ended, but at the same time a kind of relief.


I didn't recall feeling this last year, don't recall feeling it for a while now, until now. I guess I'm back to being normally busy (as opposed to crazy busy) so I can actually notice the change in light, temperature, and energy. I know what I'm feeling is the beginning of fall and a lot of the reflexive back-to-school depression I'm sure is caused by 20 years of going back to school (kindergarten through M.Arch). On the one hand, I'm a little let down that summer is over. No more cute little dresses and open-toed shoes, no more laying out by the pool, no more sun coming up at 5:30am to help get me out of bed to go for a swim or run. However, I have the kind of coloring that looks better in fall and winter colors, I still laid out by the pool yesterday because it was 86 degrees, and the weather is finally cooperating with my total lack of desire to be really busy.

It must be the change of light, i suppose. I really only feel the malaise in the afternoon, when the light slants in a funny way over the building across the street from Design Associates' office. I also feel it in the way that I'm cold more of the time in the office, I suppose because it's not as warm outside anymore (80s instead of 90s). Derek and I were talking about it on Friday, and he commented that the feeling of fall approaching makes him feel like it's time to batten down and snuggle up, especially now that he has a baby girl. I guess that makes sense, and that I need to stop fighting the snoozeworthy feeling. If it weren't so late already today, I'd go take a nap.