Monday Visual Inspiration: Shopping with Mom at Thanksgiving

I know, I know--I'm busier than a cat covering crap on a terrazzo floor right now, but I had to post a few pics of being out with Mom at the local mall during the post-Thanksgiving shopping hullaballoo.

Me: Ooo, that's cool! Can you make that?

Mom: The fuck you mean "can I make tha"...of course I can make that. I just have to adjust a pattern I bought in 1985.

Me: Those are big words from a woman wearing a stocking cap that looks like cat ears.

Mom: Bite me. My head's cold.


Me: Yeah, well, can you make that?

Mom: Nah, it's a knit, and you can't sew a knit. You have to knit a knit.

Me: Can't really wear a bra with that dress, can you?

Mom: And it's a thin knit. So it's a knit for nitwits.


Mom: Now I can make the hell out of this.

Me: Ooo, wonder if we can find that fabric at the fabric store tomorrow!

Mom: If we do, Imma get my sew on.

Me: [looks around] That saleslady is looking at us funny.

Mom: Act like you're taking a picture of me but get the jacket in the picture. You buy me the taffeta and you can have this.


Me: Mommy, look! Formal shorts!

Mom: [sighs] Christ almighty. An abomination.

Me: I bet I could rock those formal shorts.

Mom: [looking at me as I snapped the photo] Your short ass should be so lucky.

Me: What? I have nice legs.

Mom: Yeah they're nice, but you have the inseam of a dachsund.

Me: [mock offended] Mommy! How could you say such a thing to your dear Pixie?!

Mom: Cuz I'm the mommy, that's how.