- Pixie: Homeland Security needs to create a Fashion Police division. When they do, I'm taking Jann to the best lingerie store in Denver, and we're getting her some decent bras. Honestly, she needs to lift those things off of her lap, for once! And those sweaters circa 1992! Please, she has got to stop the madness.
- Elliot: What the hell do these IT guys from the hospital want with card readers and an intercom system in the next-door MOB [medical office building]? Putting an intercom system in an MOB is like putting one in your apartment building--you don't need it! If someone calls you, they don't call to a central switchboard, they call right to your suite! This is not a hospital! THIS IS NOT A HOSPITAL!
- Derek: Look, my wife and I are expecting a baby in a week, and I'm really looking forward to it. But can people please stop bringing their infants and small children into R-rated movies?! If any of you catch me doing that, roll up a newspaper and smack me on the nose with it. Seriously.
- Pixie: People are scared of the wrong things. Everyone's freaked out about terrorist attacks, but how many have happened in the US since 9/11? None! Stranger danger is all around us and it's all we're fed, especially women, but no one seems to realize that seven in ten women are sexually assaulted by someone they know. We're scared of the wrong things and tolerate the shit we shouldn't be putting up with!
- Derek: June 27th is Take Your Bike to Work Day. If I take my bike to work that day but drive a Hummer the rest of the year, does that make me better than Pixie, who carpols with her husband every day in a that 36-mpg Honda Civic?
- Elliot: Maybe Guy should get a Hummer.
- Pixie: Only if he buys me some jewelry.
- Norman: What's a hummer?
Well, what can I say? None of y'all paid to get into this show; don't go expecting quality, now.