Monday, May 11, 2009

Y'all, it's fixin' to be on. And Guy is scared.

At the end of this month, I'm off to Georgia to guest teach a class for Linda Lou, Kitty's colleague at D2U.  (Some about the class last year here and here.)  I'm looking forward to it for sure.  I need to dust off what I did last year and see if it needs any tweaking for this year. I'm sure I can find something that needs sharpening.

Late last week, Kitty forwards me an email from Airtran with some text to the effect of "Look, they're having another sale, so let's buy Mom her tickets to come see you this summer."  A few minutes spent on IM got us agreeable arrival and departure times for Mom in mid-July, and we're each only a $116 lighter.  I forwarded the confirmation email to Guy so he could make notes of when he should start drinking heavily for the week Mom's here.

We were driving home from work that day, and Guy brought up Mom's visit:

Guy:   So...your mom's coming to visit in, um, July?
Pixie:  Yup, Kitty got a really good price on her tickets, Tuesday to Tuesday.
Guy:   So what's she gonna do while she's here?
Pixie:  I'm gonna see if I can borrow a sewing machine or rent her one so she can do some sewing.
Guy:   [raises eyebrows] You're putting her to work on her vacation?  I didn' t know your mom was a nine-year old Malaysian child.
Pixie:  [holding up one hand] Look, I asked her if that would feel like making her earn her keep, and she said she sews for fun, so she's fine to do some sewing while she's here.  She'd prefer it over watching TV all day.
Guy:   Well, I guess it'll keep her off the streets.
Pixie:  [sighing] I know...if she's not tagging brick walls with graffiti, she's boosting cars for parts.  And at her age...
Guy:   You know, I have a pass to the Botanic Gardens and to the Museum if she wants to go to those.  She can actually go somewhere while she's here and not be under house arrest making Nikes all day.
Pixie:  Hm...I suppose so, huh?  I could take her during lunch and then pick her up when we come home.
Guy:   What, she can't walk?
Pixie:  Honey, the last time Mom walked for any length at this altitude, she nearly passed out.  Between the lack of oxygen and her sciatica, I'm not gonna make her do that.
Guy:   She needs to go for a walk.
Pixie:  [cutting eyes towards him] You need to go for a walk.
Guy:   [taking mock offense]  What?  I've been going for a walk with you on Wednesday nights for two weeks in a row!
Pixie:  And I'll take Mom for walks while she's here, but there's no amount of training she could do in Georgia to prepare her for the thin air here.
Guy:   She could take the bus.
Pixie:  [cutting eyes again]  I am not putting my mother on a bus.
Guy:   You don't think she can handle it?
Pixie:  I'm not dragging her out here so I can put her on a bus.  
Guy:   [looking out window]  You don't think she can handle it.  You think the bus hooligans are going to scare her.
Pixie:  Look, my momma's street, homey. She carry a nine and pop a cap if some wanksta try to step to her shit, she ain't even play!
Guy:  [staring at Pixie]  I have no idea what you just said.
Pixie:  I'm saying that my mom's tough.  She and Michael Graves are starting their own gang.
Guy:  [looking out window again]  Whatever.
Pixie:  You'll see.  She'll be totin' a tech nine in Target Periwinkle Blue.  She's bad.  She'll be like a white Foxy Brown.
Guy:  What'll Graves be, Ironside?


Anonymous said...

OMG - I can hear your voices exactly in that conversation!!!

I say let Mum sew. I should send her a pattern for a new riding coat.

I pays her, I would!

Wilderness Gina said...

mizscarlett? Bring it on Toots.
And Pixie, what makes you think I can't sew AND boost cars even at altitude. I plan to wander around your neighborhood some when I'm there. If I can walk at a lower pace then the 20mph you walk, I think I'll be ok. I don't have a problem with the bus either. Beats trying to drive. Oh and I need a map to find my way around. Queen Soopers meybe?

Miss Kitty said...

Hahahahaahaaa! Awesome!

Miss Kitty said...

Srsly, Miz Scarlett, send on your pattern and $$. Mom welcomes the challenge. :-)