Monday, July 25, 2011

While Shopping with Mom: Fabric and Loathing in Las, Denver

At Allyn's Fabric Store and Millinery Store.

Pixie: Okay, so, what do you think you can make from this...?
Mom: Umm...well, this embroidered organza is nice but...
Pixie: What kind of fabric are you looking for to make another wrap dress for me?
Mom: Do they have anything more...whorish?

Mom: This is more like it.
Pixie: Hell to the yeah! It's an ombre shiny jersey! Can you make a wrap dress out of that?
Mom: Yeah, I think so, I'd need an extra yard or so, though, to lay it out right.
Pixie: [Beavis and Butthead voice] Huh huh-huh huh, you said "lay".
Mom: [absentmindedly] could probably get laid in a dress made of this...
Pixie: Huh-huh-hu---ewwwwww!

Pixie: What in the name of Coco Chanel are you going to do with green and black-and-white plaid taffeta?
Mom: [slowly and menacingly] Anything...I...want.

Mom: What about a shirt for Audrey made of this green taffeta?
Pixie: Totally! Wait--what's up with the hat?
Mom: You need this hat. We'll get a button or a feather to put on it and make it all spiffy.
Pixie: But I don't wear hats!
Mom: [walks away holding hat] You do now.

After buying elebenty million dollarz in fabric, Pixie and Mom go get a snack in Cherry Creek North and then engage in a little window shopping.

Mom: Oh good Lord, what is this happy horseshit?
Pixie: Well, I'm betting it's a Lanvin, maybe a Chloe or Narciso Rodriguez...?
Mom: Hmph. I'm sticking with Horseshit.

Pixie: Mom, look! It's a--
Mom: No.
Pixie: Well, I bet it's an Yves St. Laure--
Mom: No.Mom: [sarcastically] Gee, I wonder why this is on the clearance rack?
Pixie: I think it's a Lanvin...[checks tag] yep, Lanvin. Usually those are kinda streamlined outfits, but...
Mom: Jesus, I can't even figure out...[moves the shirt around on the hanger] how is this made...?
Pixie: [lisping theatrically] "I am animal...I am...a shirt!"
Mom: Good Lord, it's on the hanger inside out! That's a shitty outfit if you can't even tell it's inside out or not?

Pixie: Can you make this dress?
Mom: [snaps photo] Shit yeah. I just have to amend a pattern I already have. But no belt. And no pockets.
Pixie: No belt? And no pockets? Why not?
Mom: It gives you saddlebags. No woman needs that.

Back at the Happy Kitten Highrise...

Mom: How do you like the lining of your camelhair-looking coat?
Pixie: I like it! Can I have a dress made out of it?
Mom: I can do this. This [holds up part of the lining] is fashion worth having, not shapeless $1300 pieces of viscose, Narciso Rodriguez or not.


Miss Kitty said...





(I'll comment more when I'm not laughing so hard!)

Anonymous said...

Hi, MHP---

Could you please tell me what kind of sewing machine your mom is using? I'm thinking about getting a new machine and would like one with that large open space in the center of the machine. I love your shopping trips with mom---she's hilarious.


Mile High Pixie said...

Kitteh: I knew you'd lulz at Mrrmy and her commentary WIN.

JG: Her machine is a Brother AX2600i, which Kitty got for her from Wal-Mart for like $70 or $80 on sale. Mom says a lot of the newer machines have "armholes" in them.