Monday, June 17, 2013

This is where I work.

I keep wondering how best to explain what I've been dealing with at Design Associates for the past several months. St. Ermahgerd went from bad to worse to ungodly before the final deadline. I've been trying to come up with a good way to describe what made the project so hard, and the short answer is this: everything.

We had staffing consistency issues. We had staffing coordination issues. We had budget issues. We had management issues. We had owner issues. We had owner's rep issues. We had user group issues. We had schedule issues. We had reality issues. We. Had. Issues.

I've always felt like the point of this blog is to explain to people what it is that architects do all day, week, month, year...and why it makes us want to drink so much and so often. I also want to be at least fair and human, if not professional (especially given my promotion last year and the fact that a few of my colleagues actually do read this). But goddammit, I'm also pretty fucking angry at how overworked and overwrought I've been for the past year. Jimmy Ray, who has been working with me on St. Ermahgerd since late last summer, told me last week that what people generally say behind my back is that I'm doing three jobs and everyone can tell I'm exhausted. I'm weirdly relieved that my exhaustion is apparent, because I don't have the energy to pretend everything's okay, nor should I have to do so.

I'm still not sure that I'm going to be able to pull back as much as I've asked to from Howie, but I will do my damnedest to make sure I get time off from both professional and personal obligations for the next few months. And I'll put some decent effort into explaining in a hopefully-not-verbose manner all the different aspects that make for a tough project.


Lilylou said...

It seems as though deeply satisfying work is either fraught with chaos and grief and exhaustion or it, for awhile at least, gives wonderful pleasure and joy. In both of its inevitable cycles, it shapes us, doesn't it? I wish you rest and joy---SOON!

Scarlett said...

I stole your picture.

My exhaustion and UP TO HEAR WITH THE STUPID is quite evident to my coworkers too.

Add in the personal WTF, you get smashed down, "becareful, her filter has got big holes right now" Scarlett.

We can not be it all. But when you have no one, or can trust no one to do it for you, there you go.