Monday, October 11, 2010

Monday Visual Inspiration: Shopping with Mom in Cherry Creek

The weekend with Mom has been great. We've risen around 7 or 7:30 most mornings, lingered over the paper and a few cups of coffee, then been off to the spa or some other funness. Saturday, we went to Cherry Creek, a tony shopping district in Denver. First, we had 90-minute massages (after which Mom could almost feel her left foot), then we stopped for a chai at Starbucks. Then, it was window shopping and kibbutzing time.

Shopping with Mom is always a treat. Her commentary on contemporary fashion and housewares crack me up. Related dialogue for each photo is below the image.

First stop was schmancy furniture store Room & Board.
Mom: What're those adironidack chairs made of?
Pixie: Um, looks like--
Mom: Looks like plastic.
Pixie: [walking up and tapping/scratching the chairs] Maybe some kind of phenolic or resin--
Mom: This shit is plastic. I know plastic. We have a Wal-Mart, people--I know what plastic looks like.

Next stop was the high-end retail clothing store Max.
Pixie: Could you make that dress?
Mom: Yeah, sure, it's um...
Pixie: Some kind of wool or flannel--
Mom: Christ! It's not even hemmed! It's just...fused!
Pixie: ......wha...?
Mom: Do you know what happens when you don't hem a knit? It unravels!
Pixie: Awfully expensive built-in obsolescence.

[Pixie and Mom walk into the store.]
Pixie: Hey Mom, how about this hemline.
Mom: No.

[walks further into the store]
Salesgirl: Hi, can I help you?
Mom: None of these dresses are hemmed! Just serged!!
Salesgirl: Um...that's, um, the style...[looks around] let me know if you need help. [walks away]
Pixie: [watching her go] She knows she's not going to sell us anything if you know what the word "serge" means and that these clothes aren't hemmed.
Mom: [feels of skin-tight grey dress] Holy shit! This is just super-thin sweatshirt material! That's all! And it's not hemmed either!
Pixie: [looks at tag] And it's $1100.
Mom: Christ, proud of it, aren't they?

Next stop was the windows at Mario di Leone.
Pixie: How about that blouse? I like the neck-thingy.
Mom: I can make that; it's just polished cotton. But she oughta button that shirt all the way and hide her tummy, even if she doesn't have a head.

Another small shop window.
Pixie: You like?
Mom: Not only can I make that, but it's really easy. It's the easiest thing I've seen all day...other than me.

In the Cherry Creek Mall, the Nordstrom's window.
Pixie: Oooh, WANT! How hard is that to make?
Mom: Oh, good lord. All they did is put a drawstring on the side to make the ruching. And I'm sure they want a kidney for it.
Pixie: And you can make it cheaper?
Mom: Sure, for half a pancreas.

Further into Nordstrom's.
Mom: Holy Moses! It's the same color as your Dress From Hell!
Pixie: Oooh, that'd be perfect to go over it!
Mom: [turning the jacket over and looking at the details] Hmm, that's two rows of ruffles and it's double-lined.
Pixie: And it's a St. John's. And they want $1295 for it.
Mom: [snaps a photo and mumbles] Fuck this, let's go to the fabric store.

At the fabric store.
Mom: Yes! It's gauzy, multicolored, and awesome!
Pixie: And when you use it, you don't even have to hem the edges! Just leave them raw!
Mom: $1100 dress, here I come!

Pixie: Ooh, that's pretty!
Mom: And it's see-through! Look!
Pixie: [snaps photo] What would you make with it?
Mom: A blouse for you! And you can wear it to work with just a bra!
Pixie: Raise and promotion, here I come!


ms. kitty said...

I would love to be right behind you all the way as you make your hilarious way from shop to shop, taking notes or recording your every giggle. You (and Miss K) have a knack of making your mom come alive for your readers!

Vic said...

I so adore this woman. Have you and Kitty encouraged her to blog?

Little Girl Big Glasses said...

Please invite me next time. Your mom's great! Honestly laughed out loud. "This shit is plastic...I know plastic." Awesome.

Miss Kitty said...



Scarlett said...


faded said...

It seems that Mom has an effective Bullshit detector. A truly wonderful quality that will be a blessing to all around her.

Miss Kitty said...

Vic, we keep begging her to blog, but so far to no avail: "Me, blog? With dial-up?!? You gotta be shittin' me." We keep telling her to save post drafts on a jump drive and then post them from my house (cable internet), but Mom put the ix-nay on that idea. [sigh]

Sandy said...

This made me laugh so hard! I just love your Mom.

dissed said...

I want your mom to shop with my mom. Shoppers would love them. Designers would fear them. Clerks, well, they could probably avoid them.

galingale said...

Maybe your Mom could email bits to you and you'd post them for her?

Angry Professor said...

I really want your mom.