Monday, October 11, 2010
The weekend with Mom has been great. We've risen around 7 or 7:30 most mornings, lingered over the paper and a few cups of coffee, then been off to the spa or some other funness. Saturday, we went to Cherry Creek, a tony shopping district in Denver. First, we had 90-minute massages (after which Mom could almost feel her left foot), then we stopped for a chai at Starbucks. Then, it was window shopping and kibbutzing time.
Shopping with Mom is always a treat. Her commentary on contemporary fashion and housewares crack me up. Related dialogue for each photo is below the image.
First stop was schmancy furniture store Room & Board.
Mom: What're those adironidack chairs made of?
Pixie: Um, looks like--
Mom: Looks like plastic.
Pixie: [walking up and tapping/scratching the chairs] Maybe some kind of phenolic or resin--
Mom: This shit is plastic. I know plastic. We have a Wal-Mart, people--I know what plastic looks like.
Pixie: Could you make that dress?
Mom: Yeah, sure, it's um...
Pixie: Some kind of wool or flannel--
Mom: Christ! It's not even hemmed! It's just...fused!
Mom: Do you know what happens when you don't hem a knit? It unravels!
Pixie: Awfully expensive built-in obsolescence.
Pixie: Hey Mom, how about this hemline.
Salesgirl: Hi, can I help you?
Mom: None of these dresses are hemmed! Just serged!!
Salesgirl: Um...that's, um, the style...[looks around] let me know if you need help. [walks away]
Pixie: [watching her go] She knows she's not going to sell us anything if you know what the word "serge" means and that these clothes aren't hemmed.
Mom: [feels of skin-tight grey dress] Holy shit! This is just super-thin sweatshirt material! That's all! And it's not hemmed either!
Pixie: [looks at tag] And it's $1100.
Mom: Christ, proud of it, aren't they?
Pixie: How about that blouse? I like the neck-thingy.
Mom: I can make that; it's just polished cotton. But she oughta button that shirt all the way and hide her tummy, even if she doesn't have a head.
Pixie: You like?
Mom: Not only can I make that, but it's really easy. It's the easiest thing I've seen all day...other than me.
Pixie: Oooh, WANT! How hard is that to make?
Mom: Oh, good lord. All they did is put a drawstring on the side to make the ruching. And I'm sure they want a kidney for it.
Pixie: And you can make it cheaper?
Mom: Sure, for half a pancreas.
Mom: Holy Moses! It's the same color as your Dress From Hell!
Pixie: Oooh, that'd be perfect to go over it!
Mom: [turning the jacket over and looking at the details] Hmm, that's two rows of ruffles and it's double-lined.
Pixie: And it's a St. John's. And they want $1295 for it.
Mom: [snaps a photo and mumbles] Fuck this, let's go to the fabric store.
Mom: Yes! It's gauzy, multicolored, and awesome!
Pixie: And when you use it, you don't even have to hem the edges! Just leave them raw!
Mom: $1100 dress, here I come!
Mom: And it's see-through! Look!
Pixie: [snaps photo] What would you make with it?
Mom: A blouse for you! And you can wear it to work with just a bra!
Pixie: Raise and promotion, here I come!