Okay, okay, I get it.

I've been feeling run down of late; physically, mentally, and emotionally. I've found it hard to concentrate at work and home and have been utterly uninterested in anything and everything. I can't make myself read something fun. I can't sit still for more than 15 minutes. I'm just cranky and tweaked. At least, though, I thought, I can keep up my workouts.

Mmm, nuh-uh.

I went for a typical run Friday morning, and by early afternoon my legs ached tremendously. I mean serious I-just-retraced-the-Bataan-Death-March kind of ache. I left work a little early and dragged myself home. I was happy that I had a massage the next day, but I remembered I was supposed to bring brownies for the office picnic tomorrow. Damn. I really didn't feel like going. I see those people every day--do I have to see them on the weekends too? My calves were aching so that I could barely stand up, hips so clenched I walked like an old woman. Guy cleaned out his tub and I soaked in some Epsom salts and hot water for a while. I had to make myself sit there for more than five minutes--I couldn't be still, felt like I should get out and do something. I got out and rubbed some analgesic oil on my legs, put them up. My mind was loud with crankiness. "I don't wanna GO tomorrow!" I declared to Guy. "Then don't," came his response. "Quit agonizing about it and don't go."

Guy was right. Early this morning, I called Ethel and sent my regards. "Get some rest, would you already?!" she said. "You just don't know how to relax." And she's right--I don't. I'm so accustomed to being busy and defining myself through my business and my productivity that I don't know what to do when I'm not. To me, an easy workout is a four-mile walk instead of run. An easy day at home is only two or three chores.

I went to the spa and succumbed to the effects of my 90-minute massage, my masseuse a talented artist with her hands and a fellow runner to boot. She understood completely and commented on my super-tight muscles. "Your body's trying to get you to slow down," she said. "So it's stopping you completely." She wasn't kidding. This has me busted back to swimming for the next couple of weeks at the very least.

In the meantime, Guy and I will be ordering pizza and watching out latest DVD from Netflix this evening. Tomorrow will be a whole lot of nothing. Hopefully I can actually make myself do nothing.