Monday, April 30, 2012

The Gnostic Gospels: The Book of Closet, Chapter 4

1  And Pixie came home from work, and did find that Mom had finished the closet.
2  And Mom spake unto Pixie and saith, "Lo, but I have put this entire goddamned thing up on the wall,
3  And thou hast shelves and rods at various heights, for thy various lengths and types of garments,
4  So thou will not have to rend thy garments on the floor."
5  And Pixie saith: "Verily, Mom, thy rod and thy shelves comfort me.
6  And thou look stylish in thy bunny suit, fit for painting as well as scrubbing up for surgery."
7  And Mom smote Pixie across the butt.

8  And it came to pass that on the next day, Mom had put every single garment on Pixie's back into her closet.
9  And Pixie was a little embarrassed, for she had meant to donate some of these garments to Goodwill but had not gotten around to it.
10 And Mom did point and saith unto Pixie, "See here, for thy clothes are organized by type and color, and thy shoes are stacked neatly and easy to see."

 11 "See, thy shorter dresses hang under a shelf for thy hats and boots and various accessories, and thy long dresses do hang high in the back."
12 And Pixie did melt, for Mom had even arranged them by color and material.

13 And Mom saith, "See, thy jackets and shirts hang above thy skirts and pants, and thy pants do not touch the floor,
14 And kittehs may not hide beneath them and furr with abandon upon them."
15 And Pixie did grin, for kittehs do like to hide in the closet and furr upon that which is Mama's.

16 Mom pointed to the back of the closet, where the canvas bags did hang, and Mom did show Pixie how her shoes and purses fit so nicely into the canvas bags,
17 And Pixie did nearly pee herself with joy, that the closet was so organized and clean and easy to see.
18 And Mom wiped her brow and rended her painting jumpsuit on the floor and did insist upon a glass of Riesling and some pasta, for she had more than earned it.

19 And Pixie was overjoyed and did shower Mom with Riesling and noms, and Mom did enjoy it.
20 And Pixie played hooky from work the next morning and went to breakfast at Racine's with Mom, and then did take her to the airport, 
21 And did promise to fly Mom back to Denver for a week where she would not be working constantly
22 Nor building a closet.
23 Maybe a kitchen next time.
24 Here endeth the Book of Closet; long may the Mom kick ass.


Lilylou said...


MizScarrlet said...


Your mom kicks ASS. She come to Vegas next time?

Miss Kitty said...



I laughed so hard at this post, I scared poor Joie out of my lap!

Small Town said...

Pikachu. lol

clairesmum said...

and so we come to the close of the Book of Closet.